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Afraid to Say

from Shining Garden by Jeremy Ferrara

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lyrics

I'm not coming home in a silly long time I'm afraid to say
I've lived and I've learned I'm afraid to say
My pages have turned I'm afraid to say

And I won't be fine, I won't be good
Or anything you swore I would
But I'll be that dimple in your feigned smile
And I'll cash my check when I receive it
And I'll sing my song when I believe
And I'll make my tea every evening
As I pack it up, as I pack it in
From the beginning to the end
And watch it circle back again
With a whole new look a whole new face
Some jumbled meaning I can't trace
Some far off, never could be fate

I'm not coming home in a silly long time I'm afraid to say
I've lived and I've learned I'm afraid to say
My pages have turned I'm afraid to say

Because I don't know how far this can go
Without a finish line
But give me time so I can deny that I can forget it all

I'm the luckiest kind of kid
Depressed in love with all of it
I lay my head back down every morning
Where your voice will be my memory
I sing and dance to in my dreams
I fall asleep to with my screams
I am not one to pick a fight with
Anything I'll live my whole life with
Or anyone I spend tonight with
It's a charm that I never agreed to
But I'll use it if I need to
And try and find something to teach you

I'll be coming home in a silly long time I'm afraid to say
Once I've lived, once I've learned I'm afraid to say
Once my pages have turned I'll be on my way

credits

from Shining Garden, released August 10, 2017

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Jeremy Ferrara Portland, Oregon

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